Voices in My Head

I'm guilty of carrying on conversations with others in my head. Let me just say upfront that this is a BAD idea. No, I'm not schizo (I'm pretty sure). Here's what happens - I think of what I would say to them, what I imagine they would say back, my reply to that, and on and on. This can take place over the course of days and even weeks. All the while, I'm experiencing the emotions that would go along with the conversation were it truly happening. Come on now, I know some of you know what I'm talking about! Usually, the unfortunate soul with whom I've been carrying on this imaginary conversation is completely clueless that anything is wrong until BLAM! I actually say something aloud.

I did it again last week and snapped at someone after a seemingly minor comment was made about a situation I'd been stewing about for a couple of months. So when they said something that to them was relatively harmless, I let them have it. Oops. I had to apologize and we did get to discuss the root core of my anger a bit. It would have been so much better to have addressed the issue early on and talked about it calmly.

I hate confrontation so much that I usually choose not to address issues with people early on thinking that things will just magically get better. The problem is that this almost never happens! I hope one day soon I learn to speak up early and honor Christ in my relationships by exhibiting love and respect for people by being honest with them.

Authority Issues

I really hate being told what to do. In fact, I tend to hate any hint of being told what to do. I know this will come as a real shock to my parents. Even as the thought "How dare you tell me what to do!" crosses the synapses of my brain, I'm quite shocked at my own arrogance in thinking I know everything and that my way is the right way. I really do know that's false and the older I get, I realize just how much I don't know. Unfortunately, this kind of attitude makes work, marriage, friendships all the more difficult.

If you've run out of ways to pray for me (goodness knows I can usually provide a long list), a teachable and gentle spirit would be great! While you're at it, can you ask for some of that to develop in Kiddo, too? I see the "don't boss me around" in her sometimes, and her life (and mine!) will be much more pleasant if we can just nip that in the bud. She often says she wants to hurry and grow up and when asked why, she'll tell you because grown-ups get to tell other people what to do. Uh-oh.

To Be Content In Any Situation

Paul says in Phil 4:12, "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." I realized this morning that this is what I want. I'm really tired of allowing my happiness to be dependent on my circumstances. Did I get what I want today? I'm happy. Did everything just fall apart and Murphy's Law reigned? Life sucks. What a herky-jerky, tiresome way to live. I had to ask God's forgiveness for allowing my hope to depend on anything other than Him. My prayer for today (and the next and the next) is that Phil 4:12 will become as real to me as He made Phil 4:6-9 last year. Perhaps I should just camp out on Phillipians 4 for a couple of months!