Mine Ebenezer

When the events of the past week were unfolding, my brain went into shutdown mode. It locked onto a fearful image and stayed there. I could not recollect a single lesson God taught me this year. I knew they were in my head and heart somewhere, but I simply couldn't remember.

Rev. Gregory S. Neal defines it:

"an Ebenezer, literally, is a "stone of help," or a reminder of God’s Real, Holy Presence and Divine aid. Spiritually and theologically speaking, an Ebenezer can be nearly anything that reminds us of God’s presence and help: the Bible, the Sacramental Elements, a cross, a picture, a fellow believer, a hymn – those things which serve as reminders of God’s love, God’s Real Presence, and God’s assistance are "Ebenezers."

My dad pointed out to me that this blog is my Ebenezer. It's here that I've recorded my thoughts and feelings, as well as what I feel God's been teaching me this year. When I was unable to latch onto anything positive, I was able to come back here and remind myself of God's help and presence. So, here I raise mine Ebenezer...again and again.

Faith and Fear

Update: Thanks to all for your prayers. My loved one's MRI and blood work came back normal though there's still a trip to a neurologist scheduled. They're initially chalking all this up to stress. I never imagined how many ways your body can revolt against the stressors we endure. Puts more "oomph" to "Be anxious for nothing...Phil 4:6...it's good for your health!

When bad things happen, I can usually handle it tolerably well when I'm the primary "victim." A sudden flash of fear and anxiety typically can get snuffed out as I suck it up and muddle through it. Let something bad or uncertain happen to someone close to me, and it's a whole other scenario.

I recently received news that a very close family member is having symptoms that could indicate anything from a magnesium deficiency (which is quite common) to Lou Gehrig's disease. A trip to the ER and a referral to a neurologist have resulted. As I sit here, I can feel the fear welling up in me. A thousand different "what if's" are trying to be entertained in my mind.

The "old" me would be practically paralyzed by the fear. The "new" me which has been being developed over the past year says "Trust God in all things. He is in control no matter the circumstances." At present, the two me's are at war deciding who's going to win.

A godly man named Jonny said, "Fear and faith are the same. Each is the belief in something that has not yet happened - it just depends on what kingdom you're walking in." So now I must ask myself, "Am I going to walk in God's kingdom and believe He is who He says He is or am I going to walk in Satan's kingdom and believe God doesn't care what happens to me or my family?

If I decide to walk in fear mode, I'm a hypocrite and a liar and my witness is meaningless. I've been quite vocal about the lessons I feel I've been learning about the presence and sovereignty of God, especially during times of suffering. Here's another opportunity to act upon what I say I believe. This is so hard! Another crisis of faith is presenting itself and what I choose to do matters.

I'm now asking something of you (the few people who might be reading this) - will you hold me accountable? Ask me if I'm praying and believing God or if I'm wallowing in fear. Remind me of what lessons God's taught me this year.

If you don't mind, could you also pray for my family member? Fear is trying to get a grip on him and I believe this could be a time for God to break him free of this for good. Also, for a good report from the doctor. Thanks.

Snippets

I, too, am having blog block so I'm taking my inspiration from my good friend Christy and simply putting down some random thoughts to tie me over until I have something I really feel like writing about.

• I've been reading a book called Lies My Teacher Told Me by James W Loewen. It tells of common misconceptions and flat-out lies told in our American history books. I'm really having to examine what I thought to be true about people and events near and dear to Americans' hearts. I highly suggest this read.
• Four year olds have absolutely no concept of "falling back" when daylight savings time ends and we're supposed to get an extra hour of sleep.
• I have really good neighbors (and friends!). We had a very cool block party on Halloween complete with over a hundred trick or treaters, potluck dinner, a fire pit for keeping warm, and CANDY! It's an annual tradition that keeps growing in scope, and I think this year was the best one ever.
• If the messy-ness of my house dictates who gets to come inside, then only those in my inner sanctum will cross the threshold anytime soon. Ugh. I actually have to be home in order to clean. There's an idea.
• My deep thought for the month is this quote I found by CS Lewis - "You don't have a soul. You are a soul - you have a body." While I had this as "head knowledge" before, just having it presented to me in this way has really made me think about what I deem important and lasting.

OK, now there's text for the first week of November. Pressure's off.