Fear in the Night

Those who know me know that I am practically phobic when it comes to thunderstorms, particulary when they come in the middle of the night. I was rudely awakened last night by forceful gusts of wind against the house. I was instantly awake, heart pounding, and off to the living room to check the news. I prayed the satellite was still pulling in a signal during the rain and wind and it was. I could have sworn an F4 tornado was headed for our house and lo and behold - it wasn't even enough of a storm for the usually frenetic weatherpeople to be giving it coverage. There was Conan O'Brien goofing with some celebrity while I just knew the lives of me and my family were in mortal danger.

I've never been happy when storms come through, but now that we have a kid, my fear has grown exponentially. I think it has a lot to do with wanting to protect her and knowing there's really nothing I can do about it. So there I sit, terror barely restrained, telling God, "I really am scared but you're in control of this storm. Please protect us!" I pictured myself as a little kid running to my dad and hiding my face in his chest, just wanting to be held and told it would be OK. I wish I could say I had a warm-fuzzy feeling come over me and a voice saying, "It'll be OK" but I didn't. But you know what? It was OK. We had some rearrangement of our deck furniture and grill, but otherwise all was fine. I even went back to sleep.

Psalm 4:8 I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.

How Long 'Til You Say That's Enough?

I just ran across an article which had a title that grabbed my attention and content that got my blood boiling. The opinion column talked about a recent endorsement by Miller Beer of an event that mocked the Last Supper of Jesus. I won't go into more detail here but you can read the article if you want.

I find myself feeling like Jonah sitting outside of Ninevah waiting for the wrath of God to come blazing down and burn them to cinders. "Get 'em, God!" I scream inwardly. How dare they (the event organizers, participants, sponsors, etc) be so brazen? Don't they know who they're dealing with?

Psalm 74:22
Rise up, O God, and defend your cause; remember how fools mock you all day long.

Chris Rice, in his song Naive, asks God how long until He says "that's quite enough and your time is up." The answer is that God loves His creation and wants each of us, even the ones that hate Him, to come to repentance. He's just giving us more time.

But never fear, in Galatians 6:7 it says "Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows." I'd be watching my back if I were those folks. Better yet, drop to your knees and beg for God's forgiveness and a new heart for Him.

And yet, is my sin any worse than theirs? God doesn't have a rating system. Without Christ, my heart is just as black and twisted as theirs. I dare not sit in judgment, only gratitude that Christ died for a sinner like me and allowed me to receive his gift of forgiveness and redemption.

I'm digging in the dirt

I'm digging in the dirt
Stay with me I need support
I'm digging in the dirt
To find the places I got hurt
To open up the places I got hurt - Peter Gabriel, "Digging in the Dirt"

It's more like "To find new places I will hurt, To open up new places I'll get hurt." I've probably spent 12 hrs working in my yard over the past week and a half. Unfortunately, if you saw it, you probably couldn't tell. My friend and I have pulled out shrubs, restacked rock borders, dug up vicious TN briers (appropriately named Devil's Backbone by my neighbor), removed unwanted plants, etc. And thanks to this year's drought, the TN clay had been baked rock hard.

All this change is good. To say my yard lacked curb-appeal was an understatment. What's bad is that once again I'm reminded that while my brain still thinks I'm 20, but body feels like it's 60. I hurt. A Lot. Today I'm hobbling around the house 'cause my back is throbbing and my knees scream when I try to stand up from a sitting postion. Can't wait for the DOMS (delayed onset muscle soreness for all those who don't live with a PT) to set in tomorrow. Thank you, God, for Aleve.

(To the 3 people who may read this blog - I'm sorry the content of this blog screams of the mundane. My temporary physical suffering is demanding my attention.)

Deep Thoughts from a Preschooler

I am constantly amazed by the questions that come from my 4 yr old. One day she asked me, "Mommy, is there only one Jesus?" "Yes," I replied, wondering where this might be leading. "Well, how can God be with everyone in the world if He lives in my heart?" Talk about stump the chump. How can one effectively explain omnipresence to a preschooler? I had to confess I really couldn't fully explain how He did it, but it was true nonetheless.

Yesterday, she asked me why the whale had to swallow Jonah. I told her God used the whale to save Jonah from drowning. Pretty straight forward answer and that's all she really wanted to know, but I continued to ponder the scenario as I drove.

I imagine the stomach of a whale (big fish, whatever) to be a pretty unpleasant place - smelly, dark, scary, no internet or iPod, etc. And yet, this was the very place of safety for Jonah. He'd been disobedient and wouldn't be in this situation if he'd just obeyed God; however, God in His infinite mercy used this for good. Jonah was God's captive audience for 3 days and nights. What else was he going to do? Jonah ended up repenting and acquiescing to God's original command (he still had some heart attitude issues, but that's another story).

I guess the lesson I learned from Little Bit's question was that God can use the scary, dark, messy times of our life to keep us safe from something far worse. It's also during these times that we're often more likely to listen to Him as our focus is more finely tuned. Whether I'm in that place because I've been running from God or because He's led me there, God is still there and can use that time to guide my heart back to Him.