I Don't Really Love God

I had the shocking realization this morning that I don't really love God - not the way He wants me to anyways. For someone who's been a Christian since she was 5, this was quite sobering. If asked the question yesterday, I would have most certainly answered "Yes, of course I love God" but it would have mostly been out of a sense of being obligated to love God. I want to love God more than anything but up until now, it could only really be categorized as affection, allegiance, or something like that. You know, like saying you love someone in your family that you barely know because it's just the right thing to do.

How can this be? I can sincerely say I try to live my life according to what God asks of me. Not perfectly, of course, but I do try. Hubby and I try to live out our faith in action each day and not just in words and weekly church attendance. But does this constitute love as God desires it? We can love God with phileo love and be fully redeemed, heaven-bound and serve Him as best we know how, but we still fall short of what He asks of us.

Once again, Beth Moore goes straight to the heart of a matter as only she can. I'm so grateful that she's allowed herself to be used by God to convey the truth of His Word to others. In the video lesson we saw this morning, she differentiates agapeo and phileo love. Agapeo love is what God desires and what we're commanded to give Him in Mark 12:29-31, but phileo love is what I tend to offer Him.

She asked a series of questions to help us identify if we have agapeo love for God - each to be answered as Often, Sometimes or Rarely:

1. Does He regularly circulate into my thoughts?
2. Am I often drawn to spend time with Him?
3. Does my life demonstrate a love for God?
4. Do I often enjoy God?
5. Do I find relief or satisfaction in the obedient life?

Ouch. As much as I'd love to answer Often to all of these, there were more Rarely's than anything else. Rather than being condemning, it's actually quite freeing to realize you've been going about things all wrong and now you can change! So how can I freely love God the way He (and I) desire?

1. First, I have to realize that I can't muster up agapeo love for God. It originates with God because God is love. Whew, that takes some pressure off because I've not been able to conjure it up for over 25 years.
2. Second, I need to ask God diligently and daily for the supernatural ability to love Him. I firmly believe God will answer that prayer because it's smack dab in the middle of His will. No need for Him to deliberate on that one.
3. Lastly, I have to offer him my whole heart to fill up. Not sure how to do this, but I know He'll show me how.

I intend to start praying this for myself every day starting today. I've seen others who truly love God this way and I want it for myself. I always wondered why I didn't possess that kind of passion and excitement for God and just figured it wasn't my personality type. Well, phooey on that - I want it and I'm asking for it. I want to be a Jesus Freak.

Jesus Loves Me This I Know

I was working on the Beth Moore's Breaking Free study our Sunday School class is doing and today's lesson really struck me. I wanted to share some of what it said.

Beth writes:

Unbelief regarding the love of God is the ultimate slap in His face. God nailed down His love for us on the cross. Can you imagine the grief of our unbelief after all He's done? You may say, "But I can't just make myself feel like God loves me." Belief is not a feeling. It's a choice. In spite of our emotions, we can choose to take God at His Word.

It's sometimes hard to reconcile the awfulness that happens in our lives and God's love. We watched Evan Almighty the other week and at one point God tells Evan, "Whatever I do, I do because I love you." It sounds incredible, but it's true. Hollywood actually got something right.

Cliff's Notes of Me

Thanks to Friend and Friend for jarring me out of my blog block:

i am: Wife, Mom, Friend, Daughter, Admin Coord, Facebook junkie and Couch Potato

i think: in circles and out loud

i know: that I know less than I used to think I did (told ya I think in circles!)

i want: my daughter to love Jesus

i have: been blessed beyond measure

i wish: I were more organized and kept a cleaner house

i hate: dog hair, being tickled and paying +$50 to fill my gas tank

i miss: not having to be the adult

i fear: severe storms and tornadoes, but God's helping me with that

i feel: more and more like this world is not my home

i hear: my dogs barking

i smell: Fresh Lemonade wallflower scent by Bath and Body Works

i search: for a cheap IKEA couch and loveseat

i wonder: what my two miscarried children would have looked like

i regret: not being a friend to the friendless in middle and high school

i love: my family and friends intensely

i ache: because I was a non-compliant orthopedic rehab patient

i care: what people think a little too much

i always: wear my seat belt

i believe: God is who He says He is, He can do what He says He can do, I am who He says I am, I can do all things through Christ, and God's Word is alive and active in me

i dance: to Disney Channel songs with my daughter (when no one else is looking!) - a little HSM anyone?

i sing: not very well but have asked God to let me be fabulous in heaven

i don't always: tell people I'm sorry, even when I really am

i fight: rarely because I avoid conflict at all costs and that's not always a good thing

i write: infrequently as I feel I have to have something important to say

i win: only occasionally

i lose: every game of Scrabble with Allison

i never: like to lose

i confuse: my plans for God's

i listen: too little and speak too much

i can usually be found: period. Really, I can be found...I'm not hiding.

i am scared: that my daughter will live in a world of terrible tribulation before Jesus comes back

i need: affirmation

i am happy about: some of our home projects getting completed!

Y tu, Amigo?