Praise in the Storm

A Little Bummed

2009-08-29T07:02:00.003-05:00

We're all feeling a bit bummed at our house. Had some stuff happen that, for me anyways, left me feeling disappointed, a little bitter and questioning why things are the way they are. On top of that, we've got lots of friends leaving - we have 3 going away parties this weekend alone. Some are leaving for just a time, others permanently. One family is moving to another continent and another just down the street. Hubs is having a good boss leave for a job opportunity in another state (which adds to his stress because now he's in charge temporarily). J is losing 2 friends she greatly enjoyed playing with. We're so busy right now, we aren't able to spend the time we'd like to with these folks before they leave.

Both of us are dealing with a flood of emotions but are unsure what to do with them. Processing isn't an easy thing sometimes. I told K that in addition to being sad, I feel guilty about feeling bad. None of these things are directly happening to us (you know,we're not moving, our family member isn't leaving, etc) so it seems that feeling this way is making it all about me when it isn't about me at all. I guess feelings are just feelings and aren't right or wrong by nature.

Anyways, if you talk with us and we're in a funk, this is why.

Freely Given

2009-07-22T09:27:00.004-05:00

Yesterday, a woman flagged me down as I was leaving the Publix shopping center. She looked frantic and said she'd fled her home and abusive husband in a hurry and had left her purse behind. Did I have some change with which she could buy some gas? I told her if she'd drive down to the service station, I'd buy her a tank of gas. She quickly accepted and drove on. As she pumped gas into her car, she kept saying "I have a job, I have money" and thanked me for helping her. I assured her that I was happy to help her. I explained that it wasn't my money but I was just a steward of the money God gave us and that this was how I could show her the love of Jesus. She wouldn't let me fill her tank to the top, but thanked me and drove away with a wave. It was a wonderful opportunity to show Jadyn how to extend kindness to strangers as Jesus would have us do.

Today, I see a Twitter post by a friend who also lives in my area that she, too, helped someone yesterday only to find out she'd been duped. Immediately I thought of my own scenario and wondered if I'd been scammed by the same person.

I've been scammed in the past and it really made me angry. I vowed it would never happen again. If I determined that they deserved my help, then I'd give it.....WHAT?!

My anger was based out of pride. I'd been duped. I looked stupid. My money was wasted. Me, myself, I. I certainly hadn't given with a cheerful heart and my conditional help didn't honor Jesus in any way.

This time, I'm not angry. I don't even know if this lady's claim was legitimate or not. It doesn't matter. I'm responsible for myself and my actions, not hers. I was able to give her a hug, tell her that Jesus loved her and pray for her as I drove home. My daughter got to see how we obey Jesus and love others in a practical way. My position is not as judge to determine if that woman was "worthy" of my gift. God knows her heart and will deal with her in love the way she needs it. It's His money, so if was stolen, He'll see that it's returned.

I'm thankful that God loves me unconditionally and didn't wait until I deserved His gift before He gave it. The gift was not dependent on a change of heart, but rather was what caused it.

Praise in the Storm - Literally

2009-04-11T12:37:00.004-05:00

Just wanted to say, "Thank you, Jesus" for saving my extended family from harm yesterday in the M'boro tornado. They pretty much lost everything, but my niece, nephew and his girlfriend were not harmed when it hit the house.

BzzAgent Report - Chili's Guiltless Grill Entrees

2009-03-11T16:45:00.003-05:00

My friend got me interested in this great word-of-mouth marketing program called BzzAgent. I get to try out great new products and then tell my friends about it. I'm pretty quick to give my opinion on things, so this was the thing for me!

As a BzzAgent, I was given the opportunity to try out Chili's new Guiltless Grill entrees. These are Chili's 6 new menu items that have less than 750 calories, 25 grams of fat and 8 grams of saturated fat.

Our family went out for a multi-birthday celebration and I used my free entree coupon to get the Guiltless Cedar Plank Tilapia. It was a perfect portion size of fish and came with a side of broccoli seasoned with carrot curls and parmesan cheese. Unfortunately, my fish was cold, but I think this was a restaurant-specific problem rather than a problem with the entree itself. The fish came garnished with pico de gallo which added some great flavor. The broccoli was steamed just right and retained some good crunchiness.

Overall, it was a great entree for those wishing to watch what they eat. It was a healthy meal, but not very filling. If it had been all I'd had that meal, I would have been hungry afterwards. The four of us split an order of chips and salsa preceding the meal and ended the meal with a dessert split 3 ways. After all that, I was just barely full (those that know me can attest that I don't typically pack away a bunch of food in a single sitting). I guess the chips and dessert negated the benefit of that "less than 750 calorie and 25g of fat" meal!

Perhaps they could increase the size of the veggie side. Another option would be to add a side salad with a light dressing. This would increase the volume of the meal without adding too many more calories or fat. As far as the price, I would consider it too high for the amount of food I received.

I would give the entree a 9 of 10 for taste (assuming it would be hot the next time), a 7 of 10 for portion size (needs more veggies), and a 6 of 10 for price. I would certainly order off the Guiltless Grill menu again but would opt for a less expensive item.

The Love of Jesus and Football

2009-01-16T08:33:00.004-06:00

I heard this story read in its entirety on the radio this morning and I just had to share it with as many people as I could. Tears flowed as I listened to this tale of how some high school kids and their coaches and parents lavishly showed the love of Jesus to a group of kids most would have shunned.

My desperate prayer is that God would help me love people just a fraction of how He does. My nose is in my navel far too often and I fail to see the people around me. If I do see them, I tend to see them through the lens of what they can do for me or why they're in my way. Brandon Heath's song, Give Me Your Eyes, fleshes out my heart's prayer. The chorus says, "Give me Your eyes for just one second, Give me your eyes so I can see, Everything that I've been missing, Give me your love for humanity."

I went to a Beth Moore conference several years ago and one thing has stayed with me ever since. She spoke of when Jesus healed the blind man in Mark 8:22. When Jesus touched the man's eyes the first time, He asked him what he saw and the man replied, "I see men like trees walking around." Jesus touched his eyes a second time and then the man saw everything clearly. His healing was not complete until he saw people clearly. If I just see people as "trees walking" and not as individuals, I'm not completely free of my blindness. Having my eyes completely opened means seeing people through the lens of Jesus' love.

The kids, parents and coaches in that story didn't see the other team as just a bunch of thugs they had to play one night. They saw them as hurting souls in need of the love of Jesus. They then put their faith into action in a simple, practical but powerful way. It was so easy to do, yet so incredibly "forever."

I want to be able to do that. My prayer, then, is the cry of blind Bartimaeus who said, "I want to regain my sight!" I don't want to see people as trees, objects, obstacles. I want to quit being blinded by my self and see people like Jesus does.

Snow Day!

2008-12-12T11:33:00.009-06:00

Snow fell unexpectedly last night after a day of cold rain. I actually remembered about the possibility of making snow cream, so I put out a pan gathered up enough snow to give it a try. Not sure it was the breakfast of champions, but it was fun! We learned to not add as much sugar and vanilla as the recipe called for, but it was good for the first few bites anyways. (Mom, we did eat a 'real' breakfast right after!)

After sufficiently chilling our insides with a snowy breakfast, it was time to go outside! Snow angels, snowball fights and a mini-snowman were all the order of business while I tried to shovel off the sidewalk and driveway that never get the sunshine. Shoveling takes on a whole new dimension when you have to dodge snowballs at the same time!

As the sun came out, the ice and snow began to melt and fall off the trees and houses. The neighbor boy came over and he and J had fun throwing snowballs at each other, but mostly at me! We've not had this much snow in a long time and J's finally at the age to actually enjoy it for a decent amount of time.

Frosty's got nothing on our little snowy mini-man.

With the little bit of thawing that occured, we were finally able to create a "real" snowman...something we've never really had much luck doing. Gravity took over unfortunately and he fell over, but after a torso-ectomy, he gained new life, though at the price of a shorter stature. Here are the before and after pix. Knowing that this is the south and snow never lasts more than 24 hours around here, these guys will be best remembered in pictures and we'll try again next time!

Give Thanks In All Things

2008-11-27T08:18:00.002-06:00

My buddy Jennifer challenged her FB friends to post 10 non-cliche items for which we're thankful. Here's my list:

1. A husband who loves God first
2. A daughter who is truly a blessing
3. Not always getting what I pray for
4. Forever forgiveness I didn't (and still don't) deserve
5. Starbucks coffee with vanilla chai creamer
6. A car with relatively few problems and a functional heater
7. Fantastic in-law's
8. Blue Bell Ultimate Neapolitan ice cream
9. Fabulous friends...seriously, you're great
10. Not having to have it all figured out (He knows the plans He has for me)
11. Parents who are still together after almost 40 yrs of marriage
12. A brother like no other - he makes me laugh, loves me, and brought an awesome new sister into our family
13. Modern appliances
14. Two children I'll get to see in heaven
15. Living on a street where the neighbors watch out for each other

Obviously that's not ten. I'm indecisive and at times unable to follow directions, so you get 15. They're also not in order of importance, so please don't read anything into how they're presented. There are so many other things I could mention, but I think this is a good start.

I challenge you to make your own list. I really helps you feel more content by moving the focus from what you don't have to all the blessings you do possess.

I Thess 5:18
Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

I THOUGHT It Was Dark Outside

2008-10-09T15:55:00.004-05:00

I don't have a battery in my watch so I never really know what time it is. My body is pretty good at waking itself up at the same time each day and I have neighborhood cues to let me know morning is here. Well, yesterday I woke up and thought "I'd better hurry and get a shower before hubby needs it." I thought I'd heard the neighbor leave for work, so it should be getting up time anyways. It had rained all night so the darkness wasn't surprising. I got showered, dressed (make up and all) and went to let the dogs out. As I passed the microwave, the glaring LED showed "4:25". Crap. I could've slept for 2 more hours! I'd never done that before and honestly hope to never do it again! I chalked it up to God getting me up. I was able to complete my week-long BSF lesson that I'd been remiss in completing and was able to have a nice little quiet time before going to wake up kiddo. I actually had a pretty good day after that and was thankful for the time God and I got to spend together. I'm feeling the sleepy aftermath today, but this should serve as a good reminder to me what a positive difference a morning quiet time can make.

Voices in My Head

2008-09-30T15:54:00.003-05:00

I'm guilty of carrying on conversations with others in my head. Let me just say upfront that this is a BAD idea. No, I'm not schizo (I'm pretty sure). Here's what happens - I think of what I would say to them, what I imagine they would say back, my reply to that, and on and on. This can take place over the course of days and even weeks. All the while, I'm experiencing the emotions that would go along with the conversation were it truly happening. Come on now, I know some of you know what I'm talking about! Usually, the unfortunate soul with whom I've been carrying on this imaginary conversation is completely clueless that anything is wrong until BLAM! I actually say something aloud.

I did it again last week and snapped at someone after a seemingly minor comment was made about a situation I'd been stewing about for a couple of months. So when they said something that to them was relatively harmless, I let them have it. Oops. I had to apologize and we did get to discuss the root core of my anger a bit. It would have been so much better to have addressed the issue early on and talked about it calmly.

I hate confrontation so much that I usually choose not to address issues with people early on thinking that things will just magically get better. The problem is that this almost never happens! I hope one day soon I learn to speak up early and honor Christ in my relationships by exhibiting love and respect for people by being honest with them.

Authority Issues

2008-09-12T17:17:00.002-05:00

I really hate being told what to do. In fact, I tend to hate any hint of being told what to do. I know this will come as a real shock to my parents. Even as the thought "How dare you tell me what to do!" crosses the synapses of my brain, I'm quite shocked at my own arrogance in thinking I know everything and that my way is the right way. I really do know that's false and the older I get, I realize just how much I don't know. Unfortunately, this kind of attitude makes work, marriage, friendships all the more difficult.

If you've run out of ways to pray for me (goodness knows I can usually provide a long list), a teachable and gentle spirit would be great! While you're at it, can you ask for some of that to develop in Kiddo, too? I see the "don't boss me around" in her sometimes, and her life (and mine!) will be much more pleasant if we can just nip that in the bud. She often says she wants to hurry and grow up and when asked why, she'll tell you because grown-ups get to tell other people what to do. Uh-oh.

To Be Content In Any Situation

2008-09-10T13:14:00.002-05:00

Paul says in Phil 4:12, "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." I realized this morning that this is what I want. I'm really tired of allowing my happiness to be dependent on my circumstances. Did I get what I want today? I'm happy. Did everything just fall apart and Murphy's Law reigned? Life sucks. What a herky-jerky, tiresome way to live. I had to ask God's forgiveness for allowing my hope to depend on anything other than Him. My prayer for today (and the next and the next) is that Phil 4:12 will become as real to me as He made Phil 4:6-9 last year. Perhaps I should just camp out on Phillipians 4 for a couple of months!

And the Gold Medal in Hopscotch Goes To...

2008-08-19T18:35:00.003-05:00

I was sitting in the living room when hubs yells out from upstairs, "You've GOT to be kidding me!" Curious, I went up there to see what he was talking about and he was watching the Olympics on the Oxygen channel (as if they're a hub for athletic events...whatever!). They were showing what we later learned was Individual Dressage. Pronounced 'druh-SAHZ,' it is defined as "the art or method of training a horse in obedience and in precision of movement." Looked like horse dancing to us. I swear they even used the word, "pirouette" in the commentating.

We sputtered a bit about how we couldn't believe this was an Olympic sport (I have a hard time defining as a sport anything where the bulk of the work is done by an animal or machine, but I digress...). We began naming off other "sports" that have found their place into the Olympic line-up - trampoline, synchronized diving, rhythmic gymnastics. Please, why not give us marathon hula hooping or shuffleboard? I did read a simple, informative article that did explain some of the how's and why's of event selection, but it does make me wonder who gets to make the final decision about what we get to see every 4 years. Where do we get to vote? Come on, give us some roller derby.

Salutations to the Musician

2008-08-19T17:18:00.004-05:00

My friend, The Musician, lamented the dearth of new posts by her blogger buddies, so this one is for her. I wish I could offer some deep, thought-provoking prose or some funny anecdotes, but I'm just too tired! I truly hope you're not reading this in the wee hours of the morning. Just know that you, the Geek and the wee one are prayed for!

Beginnings and Endings

2008-08-11T13:26:00.005-05:00

Update: We went, we cried, I cried some more, we survived day 1. Only hundreds more to go.

I fight tears today. They come each time I realize that today is the last day my daughter will be my "baby." She starts kindergarten tomorrow and our lives will never quite be the same. Starting tomorrow, other adults will have significant influence on her life and choices and I'll have to share her with new friends and commitments. I know to some this may not seem like such a big deal, but it's very scary to me. Granted, it sounds like I'm jettisoning her through time and sending her off to college, but sending her off to kindergarten is just a taste of what's to come.

Have I squandered my time with her the past 5 years? Have I taught her about Jesus to the best of my ability? While I know I will still have plenty of opportunities to spend time with her and teach her, it just seems like this golden time is now over and I don't know if I've done a good enough job. I love her so much and I don't want to have screwed up.

Noah and the Dinosaurs

2008-08-08T21:58:00.004-05:00

So, we're "vacationing" with some old friends at their home in Harrison, OH and it's just minutes away from the Creation Museum. We spent several hours there and it is really a neat place. I wasn't sure what to expect, but it was beautifully landscaped and the exhibits and presentations were very professionally done. I left there with a fresh, lingering awe of God and what He's done and some new questions to ponder in light of Scripture. For example:

Were there dinosaurs on Noah's ark?

Did fossilization occur as a result of the Flood?

It reminded me of pictures I saw on Dan Kimball's blog of Jesus riding a dinosaur and another of Him holding one like a lamb. How startling at first, but possible?

Anyways, hubs and his pastor friend had a great discussion in the van and at dinner over what we'd seen and heard. Very thought-provoking stuff, to say the least. It wasn't kooky or ultra-religious in the sense that it rejected science in lieu of some mystic, supernatural stuff. It allowed science and faith to work together to tell the story of the redemption of humanity and creation through Christ. I loved how the gospel was interwoven into the science of it all. I think that's exactly how it's supposed to be - using science to learn more about God and appreciate His power, love and creativity, and not to disprove His existence.

Is There A Movie Adapted From That?

2008-08-06T07:39:00.004-05:00

The story is that apparently the National Endowment for the Arts estimates that the average adult has only read six of these books. Here are the markup guidelines:

1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.

2) Italicize those you intend to read.

3) Mark in red the books you LOVE.

4) Reprint this list in your blog

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen

2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkein

3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte

4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling

5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee

6 The Bible

7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte

8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell

9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman

10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens

11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott

12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy

13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller

14 The complete works of Shakespeare (I've read a LOT, but not all!)

15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier

16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien

17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks

18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger

19 The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger

20 Middlemarch - George Eliot

21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell

22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald

23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens

24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy

25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams

26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh

27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck

29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll

30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame

31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy

32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens

33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis

34 Emma - Jane Austen

35 Persuasion - Jane Austen

36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis

37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini

38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres

39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden

40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne

41 Animal Farm - George Orwell

42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown

43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

44 A Prayer for Owen Meany - John Irving

45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins

46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery

47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy

48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood

49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding - I HATED this book

50 Atonement - Ian McEwan

51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel

52 Dune - Frank Herbert

53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons

54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen

55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth

56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon

57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens

58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley

59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon

60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck

62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov

63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt

64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold

65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas

66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac

67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy

68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding

69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie

70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville

71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens

72 Dracula - Bram Stoker

73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett

74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson

75 Ulysses - James Joyce

76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath

77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome

78 Germinal - Emile Zola

79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray

80 Possession - AS Byatt

81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens

82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell

83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker

84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro

85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert

86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry

87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White

88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom

89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

90 The Faraway Tree Collection

91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad

92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery

93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks

94 Watership Down - Richard Adams

95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole

96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute

97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas

98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare

99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl

100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

So, that looks like 30 read out of 100. Not too bad, I guess. I do like to read and I've read some really great books not listed here. Like The Musician, I was fortunate to have had a spectacular education at a public school and had the chance to take AP English classes that required me to read many of these works. Some I liked, many I did not.

If I were allowed to count those books which have been made into movies or plays, I could add 11 more!

Simon Actually Smiled

2008-07-25T16:43:00.003-05:00

Got this fun one from my dad. Thanks, Dad!

Politics Are Oh So Serious

2008-07-25T16:40:00.003-05:00

OK, so I swiped this bit of hilarity from Nashbabe, but it made me laugh out loud so I just had to share it.

Busy Being Boring and Other Random Thoughts

2008-07-13T17:22:00.004-05:00

If boring and busy can be juxtaposed, then that's where we're at. Seems like the next thing is upon us before we finish the last, but what is there to show for it? Just life, I guess. Not exactly the type of rest Jesus promises (come to me all who are weary and I will give you rest) - must be my clue to go to Him and not to my calendar as much.

I just can't believe the summer is almost over and my baby will be going to kindergarten. Tears well up in me just thinking about it. I think it will bother me more than it will her.

I went to another church this am because Kiddo was part of a VBS there this past week and the kids were the service today. It's really strange to be somewhere other than our own church. It was more "churchy" than what I'm used to, and I was reminded what it feels like to be a visitor. I hope it makes me more willing to interact with those who come to visit Hope.

I'm fighting a sinus infection or something as equally annoying right now and I'd forgotten how miserable it feels to be sick. I thank God that I don't feel this way more often. If I avoid you for the next couple of days, it's for your own protection!

We had the privilege of going to Chuck E Cheese's two consecutive nights this week. Yippee. I learned to premedicate. Hooray for ibuprofen.

I joined a gym this week, too. I'd been to the Dr and she said the words I knew to be true but hadn't had a third party say to me out loud - I was overweight. Sigh. Hopefully this will be the motivation I've lacked for so long to get serious and be consistent. Only time will tell I guess. Feel free to ask me if I've gone, though please wait a day or two for the copious amounts of mucus in my head to go away.

I love my husband.

There. I've blogged and have bought myself another 6 weeks of silence unless something utterly profound overtakes me. Anybody else want to take a turn? I like reading about what my friends are up to, however mundane.

A Friend to Sinners

2008-06-24T12:11:00.003-05:00

I've been reading several books lately related to the emerging/emergent church movement. I don't really care about the emerging v. emergent part (I get the impression this is somewhat controversial), but I have been greatly convicted about how outsiders (aka non-Christians) view Christians and the church. I don't know that I can have much impact on a generation's view of the church as a whole, but what kind of Christian are my neighbors, non-Christian friends, the grocery store clerks, etc. seeing me be?

Luke 15:1-3 reads, "By this time a lot of men and women of doubtful reputation were hanging around Jesus, listening intently. The Pharisees and religion scholars were not pleased, not at all pleased. They growled, "He takes in sinners and eats meals with them, treating them like old friends."

If Jesus was a friend to sinners, than I can only conclude that he wants me to be one, too. From what I know of Jesus, he never bludgeoned a lost, hurting person with a moral code. He loved them, met their need, and then told them to go and sin no more. Jesus is holy and that is never, ever compromised. He seemed to reserve the harsh criticism and judgment for the religious leaders who were more concerned about being "right" than about caring for people and having a right heart before God.

I know that several of my neighbors aren't Christians, but I find myself pretty much encapsulated in a Christian bubble. We hang out with our Christian friends somewhat exclusively, I work for a Christian organization, and we're sending our daughter to a Christian school. How can I be a friend to sinners if I never enter my personal, local mission field?

Anyways, I certainly don't have all my thoughts on this clear in my head as is evidenced by this rambling. I trust the sources I've been reading, but I also need to go back and study the example Jesus set. I confess that I've been guilty of hiding behind my church doors, figuratively speaking, and not reaching out to establish relationships with people that act, think, and believe differently than I do. How to remedy that is still to be determined.

I'm sure I'll blog about this more as I think it through. If you're interested in the books I've been reading, they are:

Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller
unChristian by David Kinnaman
They Like Jesus but Not the Church by Dan Kimball

Just Tell Me What To Do

2008-06-04T14:52:00.004-05:00

I don't know whether I'm just tired or I've lost that "be the leader" mentality. I hate to make decisions anymore, especially if a group of people are involved. It has fallen on us to make plans for our daughter's soccer team party and something so simple has become so difficult. Perhaps I'm too worried about what they'll think of me and of the choice I make. But should I even care? Nobody else stepped up to do it. I'm always afraid of choosing something that someone else doesn't like, but by continually deferring to the imagined desires of someone else, nothing gets decided. I just want someone to tell me what to do, where to be, and when to be there. I used to think that being in charge was enviable, but right now I'd love to just be a sheep and follow a qualified shepherd.

I Don't Really Love God

2008-05-25T19:18:00.005-05:00

I had the shocking realization this morning that I don't really love God - not the way He wants me to anyways. For someone who's been a Christian since she was 5, this was quite sobering. If asked the question yesterday, I would have most certainly answered "Yes, of course I love God" but it would have mostly been out of a sense of being obligated to love God. I want to love God more than anything but up until now, it could only really be categorized as affection, allegiance, or something like that. You know, like saying you love someone in your family that you barely know because it's just the right thing to do.

How can this be? I can sincerely say I try to live my life according to what God asks of me. Not perfectly, of course, but I do try. Hubby and I try to live out our faith in action each day and not just in words and weekly church attendance. But does this constitute love as God desires it? We can love God with phileo love and be fully redeemed, heaven-bound and serve Him as best we know how, but we still fall short of what He asks of us.

Once again, Beth Moore goes straight to the heart of a matter as only she can. I'm so grateful that she's allowed herself to be used by God to convey the truth of His Word to others. In the video lesson we saw this morning, she differentiates agapeo and phileo love. Agapeo love is what God desires and what we're commanded to give Him in Mark 12:29-31, but phileo love is what I tend to offer Him.

She asked a series of questions to help us identify if we have agapeo love for God - each to be answered as Often, Sometimes or Rarely:

Does He regularly circulate into my thoughts?
Am I often drawn to spend time with Him?
Does my life demonstrate a love for God?
Do I often enjoy God?
Do I find relief or satisfaction in the obedient life?

Ouch. As much as I'd love to answer Often to all of these, there were more Rarely's than anything else. Rather than being condemning, it's actually quite freeing to realize you've been going about things all wrong and now you can change! So how can I freely love God the way He (and I) desire?

First, I have to realize that I can't muster up agapeo love for God. It originates with God because God is love. Whew, that takes some pressure off because I've not been able to conjure it up for over 25 years.
Second, I need to ask God diligently and daily for the supernatural ability to love Him. I firmly believe God will answer that prayer because it's smack dab in the middle of His will. No need for Him to deliberate on that one.
Lastly, I have to offer him my whole heart to fill up. Not sure how to do this, but I know He'll show me how.

I intend to start praying this for myself every day starting today. I've seen others who truly love God this way and I want it for myself. I always wondered why I didn't possess that kind of passion and excitement for God and just figured it wasn't my personality type. Well, phooey on that - I want it and I'm asking for it. I want to be a Jesus Freak.

Jesus Loves Me This I Know

2008-05-22T14:03:00.003-05:00

I was working on the Beth Moore's Breaking Free study our Sunday School class is doing and today's lesson really struck me. I wanted to share some of what it said.

Beth writes:

Unbelief regarding the love of God is the ultimate slap in His face. God nailed down His love for us on the cross. Can you imagine the grief of our unbelief after all He's done? You may say, "But I can't just make myself feel like God loves me." Belief is not a feeling. It's a choice. In spite of our emotions, we can choose to take God at His Word.

It's sometimes hard to reconcile the awfulness that happens in our lives and God's love. We watched Evan Almighty the other week and at one point God tells Evan, "Whatever I do, I do because I love you." It sounds incredible, but it's true. Hollywood actually got something right.

Cliff's Notes of Me

2008-05-19T20:56:00.006-05:00

Thanks to Friend and Friend for jarring me out of my blog block:

i am: Wife, Mom, Friend, Daughter, Admin Coord, Facebook junkie and Couch Potato

i think: in circles and out loud

i know: that I know less than I used to think I did (told ya I think in circles!)

i want: my daughter to love Jesus

i have: been blessed beyond measure

i wish: I were more organized and kept a cleaner house

i hate: dog hair, being tickled and paying +$50 to fill my gas tank

i miss: not having to be the adult

i fear: severe storms and tornadoes, but God's helping me with that

i feel: more and more like this world is not my home

i hear: my dogs barking

i smell: Fresh Lemonade wallflower scent by Bath and Body Works

i search: for a cheap IKEA couch and loveseat

i wonder: what my two miscarried children would have looked like

i regret: not being a friend to the friendless in middle and high school

i love: my family and friends intensely

i ache: because I was a non-compliant orthopedic rehab patient

i care: what people think a little too much

i always: wear my seat belt

i believe: God is who He says He is, He can do what He says He can do, I am who He says I am, I can do all things through Christ, and God's Word is alive and active in me

i dance: to Disney Channel songs with my daughter (when no one else is looking!) - a little HSM anyone?

i sing: not very well but have asked God to let me be fabulous in heaven

i don't always: tell people I'm sorry, even when I really am

i fight: rarely because I avoid conflict at all costs and that's not always a good thing

i write: infrequently as I feel I have to have something important to say

i win: only occasionally

i lose: every game of Scrabble with Allison

i never: like to lose

i confuse: my plans for God's

i listen: too little and speak too much

i can usually be found: period. Really, I can be found...I'm not hiding.

i am scared: that my daughter will live in a world of terrible tribulation before Jesus comes back

i need: affirmation

i am happy about: some of our home projects getting completed!

Y tu, Amigo?

Sacrifice

2008-04-11T17:12:00.004-05:00

I've sensed lately that God wants me to give Him something and I've been quite resistant. I thought, "I gave you my dream for a career, I mean, what else do I have to do?" As soon as I completed that thought, the answer immediately came. We are to take up our cross daily and the cross means death, sacrifice, giving it all. Paul says we are to be living sacrifices. A sacrifice isn't really a sacrifice if it doesn't cost us anything and living implies that it just might hurt! But God doesn't ever harm us...though some things He allows might hurt. So daily I must consciously lay down my dream at His feet and say "it's Yours" knowing that I may never see it fulfilled in this lifetime. The grief this causes cannot be conveyed, but I'm really trying to be obedient. Mercy Me's song, "God With Us," says it better than I can:

Such a tiny offering
Compared to Calvary
Nevertheless, we lay it at Your feet.

Nothing Can Be Simple

2008-04-03T21:05:00.003-05:00

When our water bill suddenly doubled for 3 consecutive months, we did a little investigating and discovered all 3 of our commodes were leaking water from the tank into the bowl. Sounds like a minor deal, but considering it was doubling our normal water usage per month, it was literally money going down the toilet. So, looking up the symptoms in our Householder's Survival Manual (thanks Reader's Digest), we thought we determined the cause and subsequent solution and off to the big blue home improvement store. Who knew there were a gazillion possible parts to a commode?! Really, I counted them. Ha. Three separate trips to the blue place and we STILL don't have the right part. Almost makes the old fashioned outhouse with a hole in the ground seem like a good idea - almost.

Mucho thanks to hubby for taking on the porcelain beasts. He's pretty handy to have around!

Great, now my brain is old, too

2008-03-18T07:29:00.003-05:00

I usually joke that my body feels 10 years older than my chronological age, and now I come to find out my brain age is 10 years older, too! Hubby bought a Nintendo DS recently along with some games to improve visual and mental acuity. Each day, you're to complete a handful of short exercises and it tracks your progress and estimates your brain age. Hmmph. It says my brain age is 10 years older than my current age. I try to blame fatigue, distraction, or even aversion to any video game-type device, but I must admit the truth - my brain is just out of practice. Just like my body is showing evidence of lack of exercise, so is my brain. I've spent the past 5 years speaking preschool dialect, watching animation instead of documentaries, and spending fewer than 15 hrs a week in adult conversation. I love being a mom, but I have let intellectual decay become an occupational hazard. This is evidenced by my horrible Scramble scores! Not sure what the fix will be, but let's hope my brain isn't aging exponentially.

Just Shut Up and Say Yes

2008-02-15T08:05:00.006-06:00

I find that it is so much easier to give help than to receive help. I guess it's just pride when you think about it. Americans, in particular, have a driving sense if individuality and this often causes us to rebuff attempts by others to get involved in our lives. What a crummy way to live! It just perpetuates the cycle of isolation that we sugarcoat and call "independence." Like it or not, we were designed to need each other - we have a need to give and a need to receive.

We've been blessed by a tight circle of friends and family who are quick to surround us with love and support. At times it's very hard to step out of the way and let them minister to us. As one precious friend advised, "Just shut up and say yes." Tough love, I tell ya. Refusing help denies another person the opportunity to be obedient to God's command to love one another.

Too many times we not only push away friends' offers of help, we also decline God's offer of help. Perhaps we think we will bother Him or that He's got more important universe-type things to do, or we don't really believe deep down that He can do anything. I've just started a study called Breaking Free by Beth Moore and the key verses are Isaiah 61:1-3:

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,
2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn,
3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.

These are the verses Jesus read and stated he had fulfilled (Luke 4:21). That's some help we all need and it's being offered freely by the God of the universe. Nashbabe gave me a book called The Wounded Woman by Dr Steve Stephens and Pam Vredevelt and it quoted those verses and followed with this conversational rewording (imagine Jesus speaking those verses this way):

I have good news for you. I am with you. I want to comfort you and heal your broken heart. At this very moment, I am pushing back hell and fighting your battles for you. I am avenging you. Before long you will experience the spoils of victory.

I see all the details. You deeply grieve your losses, and your grief is valid. I want to fellowship with you in your suffering. Come to Me. Allow My Spirit to touch your wounds. I promise you: I will replace your devastation and despair with My Spirit of gladness and joy. This isn't something you can do. It is something I will accomplish for you.

Wow. I just need to rest in Him because it's something He will accomplish for me. Chuck independence right out the window because I cannot do this for myself. I wasn't designed to. I just need to shut up and say yes.

Value of Life

2008-02-04T07:29:00.000-06:00

Even prior to the events of last week, I was telling my hubby that it's a miracle that anyone is born healthy and whole. From the moment of conception, there are a myriad of things that can go wrong. Add to that 9-10 months of development that must go according to plan and the chances for failure continue to go up. That's even assuming Mom takes prenatal vitamins, doesn't drink or smoke, gets regular checkups, etc.

If it's a miracle that we're even here at all, then it should give us a sense of our worth to God. Jeremiah 1:5 says, "Before I shaped you in the womb, I knew all about you. Before you saw the light of day, I had holy plans for you..." (the Message). God knew us fully and had a purpose for each one of us.

Psalm 139:16 says, "Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day" (the Message).

We cannot believe God doesn't care about us or know what's going on. He looked ahead through time and space and saw that I'd often be critical, controlling, mean, angry, selfish (and the list goes on and on) and said, "That's OK, I'm going to let her be born and live anyways" because He loved me.

Value is defined as "an amount...considered to be a fair and suitable equivalent for something else." In other words, something is worth the price paid for it. The blood of Jesus was the payment that would cover over my sin and allow me to be called a child of God. We were purchased for that price, so our value in God's eyes must be very high.

I've Been Tagged

2008-01-31T16:07:00.000-06:00

I was recently "tagged" twice (by her and her) and am supposed to share 7 unusual things about myself and then tag 7 others to do the same. Since I only know 7 other bloggers and they've already been tagged, I suppose this is a dead end. I will, however, share my 7 oddities (though I'm sure I'm quite more odd than that) for your enlightenment:

I hate Braveheart (too sad) and Titanic (too predictable).
I got my B.A. and my M.R.S. on the same day.
I love my mother-in-law.
I've been parasailing (with my mother! I have an awesome Mom)
I like beer.
I have two children in heaven.
I had a male bridesmaid (bridesguy?) in my wedding party.

Hmmm, maybe I'm not so interesting afterall. Thanks to all who love plain old me!

Benefit Concert for Evelyn Noland

2008-01-20T16:40:00.000-06:00

You're invited to a benefit concert being held for Evelyn Noland at 3rd and Lindsley Bar & Grill on Wed, Jan 23 at 6:00pm. Admission is $10 and all the money will help the Noland's pay for Evelyn's substantial medical bills.

The concert begins at 6:00pm and features Chuck Allen Floyd, Lefty Ricketts, Rick Blair, Greg Jones, Rick Huckaby. If you choose to stay later, the Wooten Brothers will perform at 9:30pm (I don't think they're part of the benefit itself).

Evelyn is a neighbor of ours who was in a very bad motorcycle accident back in early Nov. She was critically injured and spent many weeks in Vanderbilt's ICU and rehab hospital. She's home now and doing much better (it's a miracle, really) but large medical bills are still outstanding. Thanks to all of you who have prayed for Evelyn's recovery. This is another practical way to show God's love to their family.

Where's My Hope?

2008-01-09T14:50:00.000-06:00

Last night in our small group, we talked about hope - not the "I wish" kind of hope, but the "confidence" kind. The source we referenced was GTO Seeds For Growth, #53 titled, "A Study of B-O-B Hope, A Look at the Basis, the Operation and the Benefits of Hope." by Harold and Bette Gillogly. Honestly, I'd never really given much thought to hope or what it really was, and our discussion presented me with lots of new Scriptures to mull on.

The most convicting idea was presented at the end and I'll just quote it here:

WHENEVER you are disappointed and frustrated, that's a red flag that should make you ask yourself: Where's my hope? Be honest - have you been setting your hope on something you wanted Him to do, or in God Himself? You won't be disappointed if your hope is in God alone! That's His promise!* So when you're feeling disappointed - or you see your brother or sister disappointed and frustrated - the question to be asked is "where's your hope?"

*"Then you will know that I am the LORD; those who hope in me will not be disappointed." Isaiah 49:23

Ouch. That pretty much pegs all my disappointments. My hope was misplaced and therefore fell flat every time. I thought I was hoping in God, but disappointment always came when my prayers weren't answered the way I thought they would. My hope was in the way I hoped God would answer and not in Him. I definitely have lots of practice to do in living out my hope.

Be Gone, Clutter

2008-01-02T15:17:00.000-06:00

I started on a rampage yesterday, and clutter, beware. I am out to get you. I am sick (yes, and tired) of feeling embarrassed for people t0 come into my house. As the FlyLady says, I've been living in CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome). Don't get the wrong idea - I don't have towers of old newspapers or dishes growing funk in the sink. What I do have are piles of "stuff" tucked here and there throughout the house. It's not an issue of having enough room in my house but rather having too much. For example, I cleaned out the kitchen cupboards today - do I really need 10 wooden spoons or 5 boxes of brownie mix? What about an ice cream maker that has NEVER been used in 10 years?

I made a small dent in the stuff mountain today and there remains much to be done, but I'm encouraged. I will never have a BH&G house (get real) but there's hope that one day soon, drop-in guests will be welcomed and not feared. Loving people as God wants me to involves basic hospitality - not as defined by snarky Martha - but happily welcoming people into my home. So watch out, clutter! I'm going to be brutal.

Bah Humbug

2008-01-01T20:00:00.000-06:00

OK, I admit it, I'm a bit of a Scrooge. Not with regards to Christmas mind you, but for any occasion that encourages my neighbors to buy fireworks. I understand that setting off fireworks must occur after the sun goes down, but I get a little grumpy about it after my bedtime. I get VERY grumpy when they ping off my bedroom window. Plus, I generally frown upon activities with unsupervised juveniles lighting explosives in densely populated areas. Silly me.

Divine Silence

2007-12-20T16:36:00.001-06:00

It is said that God always answers our prayers - the answer is either Yes, No or Not Yet. But when the answer obviously isn't Yes and no other answer seems to come, how do you interpret the silence? What do you do when the silence lasts for days, weeks and even years?

I don't know the answer. Jesus told the Parable of the Persistent Widow (Luke 18:1-3) to teach the disciples that they should always pray and not give up. But what if the answer is "No" and I'm simply behaving like a 4 yr old who keeps asking for ice cream for breakfast even after Mom said "No." Do I keep praying as if it would change God's mind?

I'm very disappointed and confused. It was almost a full year ago that Satan fed me the lie that God answers everyone else's prayers but mine and therefore must love them more than me. I knew/know it to be a lie, but sometimes it feels so true. God does answer my prayers - I have a very partial list to show when He has - but there are a few outstanding for which I'd welcome some resolution. For now, I will quit asking. I'm just tired.

Everyday Christmas

2007-12-19T08:32:00.000-06:00

In our marriage, we decided early on that the fairest way to do holidays with our families was to alternate years spent with each family at Christmas and Thanksgiving. Because of this, sometimes "Christmas" isn't held until late January with the other side of the family. This inevitably leads to some degree of disappointment about not being all together on the 25th of December.

I admit there is something special about The Day. The anticipation that builds to a crescendo right up until the moment Lil' Bit opens her first present is undeniable. The perfect storm that occurs with hubby's family is a sight to be seen - it's a veritable free-for-all where gifts are opened as quickly as they're passed out, with paper and bows everywhere and clean up involving many garden-size garbage bags. On the other side of the spectrum is Christmas Day with my family. Opening gifts takes hours as gifts are opened one at a time and oohed and aahed by all present. Both traditions are special and fun in their own way.

Beyond the fun, I must remember that Christmas exists to remember the birth of Christ, the moment the Creator of the universe came to live among us. Talk about "Shazaam!" Perhaps an even more amazing thing is that Christ is here an Earth even now. Colossians 1:27 says, "To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory" (emphasis mine). Jesus lives in us, those who have believed His words and accepted His gift of redemption. I cannot even begin to understand it, but it's true.

To me, that means that Christmas comes every day. What gifts can we give to our friends and family on Christmas Day, May 3rd? How about a little grace when they hurt our feelings. What about Christmas Day, November 14? Give them a kind word when they're feeling sad.

I'll miss my family on December 25th, but I know that Christmas comes in January, too.

Mine Ebenezer

2007-11-20T18:37:00.000-06:00

When the events of the past week were unfolding, my brain went into shutdown mode. It locked onto a fearful image and stayed there. I could not recollect a single lesson God taught me this year. I knew they were in my head and heart somewhere, but I simply couldn't remember.

Rev. Gregory S. Neal defines it:

"an Ebenezer, literally, is a "stone of help," or a reminder of God’s Real, Holy Presence and Divine aid. Spiritually and theologically speaking, an Ebenezer can be nearly anything that reminds us of God’s presence and help: the Bible, the Sacramental Elements, a cross, a picture, a fellow believer, a hymn – those things which serve as reminders of God’s love, God’s Real Presence, and God’s assistance are "Ebenezers."

My dad pointed out to me that this blog is my Ebenezer. It's here that I've recorded my thoughts and feelings, as well as what I feel God's been teaching me this year. When I was unable to latch onto anything positive, I was able to come back here and remind myself of God's help and presence. So, here I raise mine Ebenezer...again and again.

Faith and Fear

2007-11-13T12:56:00.000-06:00

Update: Thanks to all for your prayers. My loved one's MRI and blood work came back normal though there's still a trip to a neurologist scheduled. They're initially chalking all this up to stress. I never imagined how many ways your body can revolt against the stressors we endure. Puts more "oomph" to "Be anxious for nothing...Phil 4:6...it's good for your health!

When bad things happen, I can usually handle it tolerably well when I'm the primary "victim." A sudden flash of fear and anxiety typically can get snuffed out as I suck it up and muddle through it. Let something bad or uncertain happen to someone close to me, and it's a whole other scenario.

I recently received news that a very close family member is having symptoms that could indicate anything from a magnesium deficiency (which is quite common) to Lou Gehrig's disease. A trip to the ER and a referral to a neurologist have resulted. As I sit here, I can feel the fear welling up in me. A thousand different "what if's" are trying to be entertained in my mind.

The "old" me would be practically paralyzed by the fear. The "new" me which has been being developed over the past year says "Trust God in all things. He is in control no matter the circumstances." At present, the two me's are at war deciding who's going to win.

A godly man named Jonny said, "Fear and faith are the same. Each is the belief in something that has not yet happened - it just depends on what kingdom you're walking in." So now I must ask myself, "Am I going to walk in God's kingdom and believe He is who He says He is or am I going to walk in Satan's kingdom and believe God doesn't care what happens to me or my family?

If I decide to walk in fear mode, I'm a hypocrite and a liar and my witness is meaningless. I've been quite vocal about the lessons I feel I've been learning about the presence and sovereignty of God, especially during times of suffering. Here's another opportunity to act upon what I say I believe. This is so hard! Another crisis of faith is presenting itself and what I choose to do matters.

I'm now asking something of you (the few people who might be reading this) - will you hold me accountable? Ask me if I'm praying and believing God or if I'm wallowing in fear. Remind me of what lessons God's taught me this year.

If you don't mind, could you also pray for my family member? Fear is trying to get a grip on him and I believe this could be a time for God to break him free of this for good. Also, for a good report from the doctor. Thanks.

Snippets

2007-11-06T16:44:00.000-06:00

I, too, am having blog block so I'm taking my inspiration from my good friend Christy and simply putting down some random thoughts to tie me over until I have something I really feel like writing about.

I've been reading a book called Lies My Teacher Told Me by James W Loewen. It tells of common misconceptions and flat-out lies told in our American history books. I'm really having to examine what I thought to be true about people and events near and dear to Americans' hearts. I highly suggest this read.
Four year olds have absolutely no concept of "falling back" when daylight savings time ends and we're supposed to get an extra hour of sleep.
I have really good neighbors (and friends!). We had a very cool block party on Halloween complete with over a hundred trick or treaters, potluck dinner, a fire pit for keeping warm, and CANDY! It's an annual tradition that keeps growing in scope, and I think this year was the best one ever.
If the messy-ness of my house dictates who gets to come inside, then only those in my inner sanctum will cross the threshold anytime soon. Ugh. I actually have to be home in order to clean. There's an idea.
My deep thought for the month is this quote I found by CS Lewis - "You don't have a soul. You are a soul - you have a body." While I had this as "head knowledge" before, just having it presented to me in this way has really made me think about what I deem important and lasting.

OK, now there's text for the first week of November. Pressure's off.

Fear in the Night

2007-10-19T07:56:00.000-05:00

Those who know me know that I am practically phobic when it comes to thunderstorms, particulary when they come in the middle of the night. I was rudely awakened last night by forceful gusts of wind against the house. I was instantly awake, heart pounding, and off to the living room to check the news. I prayed the satellite was still pulling in a signal during the rain and wind and it was. I could have sworn an F4 tornado was headed for our house and lo and behold - it wasn't even enough of a storm for the usually frenetic weatherpeople to be giving it coverage. There was Conan O'Brien goofing with some celebrity while I just knew the lives of me and my family were in mortal danger.

I've never been happy when storms come through, but now that we have a kid, my fear has grown exponentially. I think it has a lot to do with wanting to protect her and knowing there's really nothing I can do about it. So there I sit, terror barely restrained, telling God, "I really am scared but you're in control of this storm. Please protect us!" I pictured myself as a little kid running to my dad and hiding my face in his chest, just wanting to be held and told it would be OK. I wish I could say I had a warm-fuzzy feeling come over me and a voice saying, "It'll be OK" but I didn't. But you know what? It was OK. We had some rearrangement of our deck furniture and grill, but otherwise all was fine. I even went back to sleep.

Psalm 4:8 I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.

How Long 'Til You Say That's Enough?

2007-10-13T12:50:00.000-05:00

I just ran across an article which had a title that grabbed my attention and content that got my blood boiling. The opinion column talked about a recent endorsement by Miller Beer of an event that mocked the Last Supper of Jesus. I won't go into more detail here but you can read the article if you want.

I find myself feeling like Jonah sitting outside of Ninevah waiting for the wrath of God to come blazing down and burn them to cinders. "Get 'em, God!" I scream inwardly. How dare they (the event organizers, participants, sponsors, etc) be so brazen? Don't they know who they're dealing with?

Psalm 74:22
Rise up, O God, and defend your cause; remember how fools mock you all day long.

Chris Rice, in his song Naive, asks God how long until He says "that's quite enough and your time is up." The answer is that God loves His creation and wants each of us, even the ones that hate Him, to come to repentance. He's just giving us more time.

But never fear, in Galatians 6:7 it says "Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows." I'd be watching my back if I were those folks. Better yet, drop to your knees and beg for God's forgiveness and a new heart for Him.

And yet, is my sin any worse than theirs? God doesn't have a rating system. Without Christ, my heart is just as black and twisted as theirs. I dare not sit in judgment, only gratitude that Christ died for a sinner like me and allowed me to receive his gift of forgiveness and redemption.

I'm digging in the dirt

2007-10-12T08:36:00.000-05:00

I'm digging in the dirt
Stay with me I need support
I'm digging in the dirt
To find the places I got hurt
To open up the places I got hurt - Peter Gabriel, "Digging in the Dirt"

It's more like "To find new places I will hurt, To open up new places I'll get hurt." I've probably spent 12 hrs working in my yard over the past week and a half. Unfortunately, if you saw it, you probably couldn't tell. My friend and I have pulled out shrubs, restacked rock borders, dug up vicious TN briers (appropriately named Devil's Backbone by my neighbor), removed unwanted plants, etc. And thanks to this year's drought, the TN clay had been baked rock hard.

All this change is good. To say my yard lacked curb-appeal was an understatment. What's bad is that once again I'm reminded that while my brain still thinks I'm 20, but body feels like it's 60. I hurt. A Lot. Today I'm hobbling around the house 'cause my back is throbbing and my knees scream when I try to stand up from a sitting postion. Can't wait for the DOMS (delayed onset muscle soreness for all those who don't live with a PT) to set in tomorrow. Thank you, God, for Aleve.

(To the 3 people who may read this blog - I'm sorry the content of this blog screams of the mundane. My temporary physical suffering is demanding my attention.)

Deep Thoughts from a Preschooler

2007-10-10T15:29:00.000-05:00

I am constantly amazed by the questions that come from my 4 yr old. One day she asked me, "Mommy, is there only one Jesus?" "Yes," I replied, wondering where this might be leading. "Well, how can God be with everyone in the world if He lives in my heart?" Talk about stump the chump. How can one effectively explain omnipresence to a preschooler? I had to confess I really couldn't fully explain how He did it, but it was true nonetheless.

Yesterday, she asked me why the whale had to swallow Jonah. I told her God used the whale to save Jonah from drowning. Pretty straight forward answer and that's all she really wanted to know, but I continued to ponder the scenario as I drove.

I imagine the stomach of a whale (big fish, whatever) to be a pretty unpleasant place - smelly, dark, scary, no internet or iPod, etc. And yet, this was the very place of safety for Jonah. He'd been disobedient and wouldn't be in this situation if he'd just obeyed God; however, God in His infinite mercy used this for good. Jonah was God's captive audience for 3 days and nights. What else was he going to do? Jonah ended up repenting and acquiescing to God's original command (he still had some heart attitude issues, but that's another story).

I guess the lesson I learned from Little Bit's question was that God can use the scary, dark, messy times of our life to keep us safe from something far worse. It's also during these times that we're often more likely to listen to Him as our focus is more finely tuned. Whether I'm in that place because I've been running from God or because He's led me there, God is still there and can use that time to guide my heart back to Him.

Deliverance

2007-09-16T20:21:00.000-05:00

The other week at church, a wise gentleman approached me and said he felt God wanted him to tell me something. This started my tears flowing as I'd been feeling very "raw" emotionally and wondered if God cared about anything that had happened to me/us this year. He reminded me that in Psalm 139 it says Gods knows everything about me...when I sit, when I stand, what my thoughts are. I can't go anywhere where God is not. In the darkest, deepest pit, He's there with me.

This gentleman also reminded me that God doesn't just deliver us from something, but often delivers us to somewhere. And sometimes it just doesn't make sense. He delivered the Israelites out of Egypt, but took them to a place with bitter water, and a place with no water, etc. The Promised Land was the final destination, but there were places along the way that had to be passed through first.

I guess I feel like I'm in one of those in-between places. I'm not where I was, but I sure hope this isn't the final destination. I want to understand the "why" of it all, but I'm not promised that. I need to trust that God knows best and loves me so much that He only does what is best for me.

Nice While It Lasted

2007-09-16T20:13:00.000-05:00

Got back from the beach yesterday. It was so nice to be away from here and all the "stuff" that goes along with our life as of late. No bills, no dogs, no phone. I know God is smart, but the whole ocean/sand/breeze combination thing is genius. We stayed at a pretty nice place and got to spend lots of time at the pool and beach. I even managed to survive 7 days without internet access. Egad! Came home to bills, dogs, phone...Thank you, God, for letting us go on vacation. We needed it!

I Chose Poorly...but I Choose to End Wisely

2007-08-24T19:13:00.000-05:00

It's a gift, I swear. When given a choice of numerous checkout lanes, I will invariably pick the slowest lane possible. I went to Walmart this evening (a poor choice in and of itself on the best of days) and after roaming around the store trying to find a handful of items, I picked a line with only 2 customers ahead of me. Seemed to be a no brainer when compared to the other lines nearby. Between coupons, language barriers, cash trading hands, idle chit-chat with the cashier about high school football, blah blah blah...I was starting to seethe.

Seeing as how I've named my little piece of blogdom Praise in the Storm, I feel compelled to present something positive from my irritating situation. I could continue to ruminate on the inconvenience, OR I could give thanks in all things (as commanded in I Thess 5:18) and thank God for giving me a lesson in patience. It was only a few minutes of my time and in light of eternity, big whup. What if being delayed prevented me from being in an accident on the way home? Who knows? God is in control of the big and little things in my life. It's best I remind myself of that every day. My attitude is predominantly a matter of choice, so I wish to choose wisely and give thanks. In all things. Hmm...(I need more practice!)

Spooky Accurate

2007-08-23T17:07:00.001-05:00

So I took this personality test on www.personaldna.com. If you want to see how your personality looks in blazing technicolor, give it a whirl. It only took 15 min or so. It was a fun diversion while waiting for dinner to cook. Not only can you rate yourself, but you can rate your friend or family member and see how close your results match theirs. Sure, I could be sweeping the kitchen floor, but this is way more entertaining.

Concerned Realist

Thank You!

2007-08-21T07:55:00.000-05:00

I want to use this time and space to say THANK YOU to our friends who surround us with love and encouragement in the good and bad times. I'm very lucky in that I have a very loving family who really doesn't live that far away - I know not everyone has the benefit of that. What we have, as well, is an extended family of friends that never hestitate to be there for us. With all the sucky things that have happened to us this year, our "family" has rallied around us to pray for us, hug us, bring us dinner, etc. I hate to impose upon people and usually decline offers of help, but my good friend A reminded me that sometimes I just need to shut up and say "Yes, thank you." Ouch. But correct. Romans 12:15 says to "Rejoice with those who rejoice. Mourn with those who mourn." To those of you who have held our hands in the rejoicing and the mourning - muchas gracias.

God is Good...ALL the Time

2007-08-15T13:55:00.000-05:00

2007 has been a year of trials. I'm not familiar with Lemony Snicket, but for us it has certainly been a series of unfortunate events. If my happiness and sanity were based on circumstances, financial security and plans working out that way I'd imagined, I'd have already been taken away to a rubber room by nice men in white jackets. The only reason I have for not crumbling is that I'm anchored in the immovable, unchanging love of Father God. He is good regardless of the circumstances. He is in control at all times. I do not have to understand why things are happening. I cannot ask "Why me?" I mean, "why NOT me?" I'm not better than anyone else, no less vulnerable to the misfortunes of the world. Jesus promises that we will face tribulation and Peter says we should not think it strange when trials come. Suffering is part of the normal Christian life. I'll never suffer to the point of death on a cross, so what do I have to complain about? I just hope I'm learning these life lessons this go-round since I really wouldn't relish having to repeat them!

To Know and Be Known

2007-08-14T17:24:00.000-05:00

All of us, I believe, have a desire to know and be known. Why else would blogs, MySpace, etc. be so popular? Why do people love to fill out questionnaires about themselves? Well, I'm no different than anyone else, so here I go dipping my toes in the murky waters of blog-dom. Do I actually think anyone cares to read what I have to say? Probably not. If anything, it'll be cathartic to put things in writing. As usual, my motives are apparently purely selfish.